As you know I started the Velosperanza tour also as a kind of self-therapy. To “find myself” or “get closer to myself”!
But what does that actually mean? Is finding myself something like “Now I’m the new Peter with a different job, address, hobbies, attitude…”?
During my trip I often have the impression that it’s like watching clouds in the sky. Every 20 seconds you see something else coming up…and this is the same if I continue to search for myself with my logical mind.
I will find endless tags and descriptions for me but they all end up to be from the external world, where everything has a name and is easy to access and understand.
For example, I had numerous thoughts of WHERE I will live in the future, which is one of the major questions bothering me (my logical mind) at the moment. I thought that if I find a new place I will also find myself. But then again I define myself via external factors or I simply take a new home as an excuse to stop searching for my true self.
I observe that we often deliberately take external, physical items incl. life partners as a way out of the inner world, of the inner quest. We try to distract ourselves and gain meaning out of this, while maybe, maybe an inner voice will slowly become louder inside of us calling for a new perspective of looking at ourselves.
That inner calling made me start this trip and right now I believe that when I LET GO of any rational approach, in which I mostly utilize the external world as short term solutions, I will invite a much bigger horizon of possible solutions into my world.
Secondly I will allow myself to stop searching and SURRENDER to what life is placing in front of me.
That doesn’t mean I don’t interact or plan anything but I am open for any possible solution, event or inner feeling to appear and showing me the way…